I have taught my children from a very young age to be painfully honest. And believe me sometimes it is very painful when they are honest. When children are young, they haven't learnt the intricacies of honesty yet. They don't know when to coat the honesty with a bit of honey so as not to hurt ones feelings. They also don't know when to rather keep quiet (also a form of honesty) instead of saying something that would anger the other person. What do you do in such cases? When I try to explain it to my boys, they feel that they would be lying if they did not speak the honest truth. And at this stage of their lives, they can't keep quiet either. So I have taught them to apologise too.
Dylan is brutally honest. He says things as they are and feels he has done the world a great service by enlightening the person in error. Example? Dylan joined his father in visiting his grandparents last week. Being Dylan, he went to the kitchen and poured himself some cold drink. His grandfather walked into the lounge and said: " I see you drink alone?" "No," Dylan answered. "I've finished my drink." His grandfather flew into a rage and Dylan's dad told him to pour his grandfather some cold drink too,to which Dylan answered: "I won't if he hints. I will if he asks me." Disrespectful? Maybe, but why hint for something if you can just ask? I know Dylan. If asked, he will do anything for you.
Divan is another example of a very honest child. If Divan has done something, e.g. broken a window, he will tell you that he did it. If you ask him if he learnt for a test he failed, he will tell you he didn't. He completed aptitude tests at school two weeks ago and was asked to complete some questions honestly. Which he did. Which is why we were called in. It turns out he is just a normal Grade 9 pupil, but with a completely different take on things. While we were there, he was asked to do a small test. Questions which are set up in such a way to trip you. I just had to smile at one of his answers.
Question: a man is building a structure. It is south facing. The sun is shining from right above. A bear walks past behind the structure. What colour is the bear?
Answer: Can't see the bear. It is behind the structure.
Moral of the story: ask a stupid question. You get a stupid answer.
Dennis Jnr is getting older now and coats his honest answers with bottles full of honey! So much so that he just opens his mouth to change feet. I think the best solution for him is to keep quiet....... or apologise frequently.
One thing I have learnt with my three children, is never to take something at face value. Honesty is not as simple as it is made out to be.
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