Honesty.... Is it always the right policy?

I have taught my children from a very young age to be painfully honest.  And believe me sometimes it is very painful when they are honest.  When children are young, they haven't learnt the intricacies of honesty yet.  They don't know when to coat the honesty with a bit of honey so as not to hurt ones feelings.  They also don't know when to rather keep quiet (also a form of honesty) instead of saying something that would anger the other person.  What do you do in such cases?  When I try to explain it to my boys, they feel that they would be lying if they did not speak the honest truth.  And at this stage of their lives, they can't keep quiet either.  So I have taught them to apologise too.
Dylan is brutally honest.  He says things as they are and feels he has done the world a great service by enlightening the person in error.  Example?  Dylan joined his father in visiting his grandparents last week.  Being Dylan, he went to the kitchen and poured himself some cold drink.  His grandfather walked into the lounge and said: " I see you drink alone?" "No," Dylan answered. "I've finished my drink."  His grandfather flew into a rage and Dylan's dad told him to pour his grandfather some cold drink too,to which Dylan answered: "I won't if he hints. I will if he asks me."  Disrespectful? Maybe, but why hint for something if you can just ask?  I know Dylan.  If asked, he will do anything for you.
Divan is another example of a very honest child.  If Divan has done something, e.g. broken a window, he will tell you that he did it.  If you ask him if he learnt for a test he failed, he will tell you he didn't.  He completed aptitude tests at school two weeks ago and was asked to complete some questions honestly.  Which he did.  Which is why we were called in.  It turns out he is just a normal Grade 9 pupil, but with a completely different take on things.  While we were there, he was asked to do a small test.  Questions which are set up in such a way to trip you.  I just had to smile at one of his answers.
Question:  a man is building a structure.  It is south facing.  The sun is shining from right above.  A bear walks past behind the structure.  What colour is the bear?
Answer:  Can't see the bear.  It is behind the structure.
Moral of the story: ask a stupid question. You get a stupid answer.
Dennis Jnr is getting older now and coats his honest answers with bottles full of honey! So much so that he just opens his mouth to change feet.  I think the best solution for him is to keep quiet....... or apologise frequently.
One thing I have learnt with my three children, is never to take something at face value.  Honesty is not as simple as it is made out to be.

Psychopathic Missionary?

You know how you say that you will remember the little jewels your children say when they are young and then years later they are forgotten?  I was thinking about Dylan being in matric next year and the choices we need to make regarding universities etc.  That's when I remembered two special conversation I had with Dylan.  Dylan could not make up his mind what he wanted to do with his life when he left school....  I was actually becoming rather worried because he had to choose subjects in Grade 10 and had no clue what to take.
I was standing in the kitchen when he came up to me and leaning against the counter, said to me: "Mom, I want to become a missionary."  What do you say to that?  Wow.  This is major.  Your heart swells and your eyes tear up and you say something like: "Are you sure?" "Yes, mom.  My friends and I have discussed this."  "Your friends?" I say.  Now I know Dylan's friends and not one of them is missionary material! "Yes, we've decided to become missionaries in Iran." "Iran?????"  "Yes, Iran.  They pay well." Now I started becoming a little concerned.....  "But Dylan, missionaries don't get paid.....  they work because its their passion."  "No, they will supply the guns, and we will work for a few months and earn lots of dollars...." 
"Dylan." I said "That's a mercenary!"
A few months later he came to me and stated that he has thought long and hard and has finally decided what he wants to do with his life.....  He is going to become a psychopath!  "Dylan, those are born, you don't need to study to become one!"  He actually meant a psychologist... and that's what his aim is.  A psychologist majoring in music therapy.... 
Why?  Because he wants to help people.  My strong silent one, with a passion for people and the need for a thesaurus.

If only raising kids was that easy......

I've often wondered why I wasn't supplied with a 'how to' guide when my children were born.  I thought that I really would have been better off if I could turn to page 3565 to see how to handle sulking (yeah I reckon any book on child rearing worth its salt will be more than 400 pages long!)
But now that I am older and more experienced I know why they didn't give me a book - because the information would be out of date within a week of publishing it!  Am I the only one who finds that what worked last week has absolutely no effect this week?
I have a situation now with Divan where he wants to change schools.  Looking at the situation there are a few pros and a few cons.  (Being an A type personality, I have made my list.....)  The pros being:  Its closer for me to drop him off; he won't have the same teacher Dennis Jnr had and therefore not the same issues as we experienced last year with art; it might be better for him sport wise.  The cons: I don't think it would be better socially for him (although he says that ALL his friends are in the new school); I don't want to move Dylan because he is in matric next year and I don't want two children in two different schools. 
But I understand that at his age, this is an important decision and he thinks his arguments are valid and noteworthy.  But I wonder if he understands that making this decision, for me, is not such an easy one.  I am not thinking about the next two months when I make this decision.  I am thinking how this decision, which is up to me to make, will influence him in twenty years to come.  I undertook an oath to bring him up in God's ways, to guide him, protect him, and do what is best for him.  I cannot make this decision based on whether he will be happy with me or not.  I cannot make this decision based on his short term 'happy' factors.  I need to make this decision on whether or not it will be beneficial to him in the long run.
And the same goes for Dylan.  He has wanted to go to this other school for four years now and each time I have had to weigh the pros and cons.  I don't want them to come back to me in ten years time and say, you know what, why did you listen to me?  It was a spur of the moment decision.  They might not see the big picture now, but I do.  And I need to do what I feel is right. For them.

Mom, what's a cougar?

As all mothers know, the safety of ones children is of utmost importance. When the boys were younger, that concern was that they wouldn't hurt themselves riding their bikes, or kill each other with a cricket bat....  I also watched them like a hawk when shopping for fear of them being kidnapped......  not that the kidnapper would keep them very long.  At that age I sometimes wanted to give them away....... :) But with time, the fears decreased, they started being able to stand up for themselves, and now that they stand a good foot taller than me, I feel more at ease that they will be able to look after themselves..... felt at ease, until Divan came home with a question: "Mom, what is a cougar?" 
I stopped mid step.  "A what?" I asked.  "A cougar....." Searching his face for that naughty twinkle in his eyes, I realised he was dead serious. 
"Well, a cougar is an older woman who dates younger men." Stunned silence.
"They are usually MUCH older than the guys.  We used to say that the guys were the woman's 'toy boy'."
Stunned silence.
"Young guys must be very careful because older women sometimes prey on these younger guys and if the guys aren't careful they can get hurt"
"Why do you ask?"
"Because there are a lot of Grade 8 girls who like me, and I don't want to be a cougar!"

No fear of that......